I had a goth friend who would always get laid without much trouble. At some point he got a normal job and had to “become a normie”, and I learned that it wasn’t because he was a goth, it was because he was a complete asshole with women, and some women, for some reason, can’t resist assholes.
Being an asshole implies confidence.
Women like confidence.
Inexperience and young girls mistake being a dick with confidence
Also, young people often are bad at determining how impressive someone is so they go off the social cues of just believing that they’re acting genuinely in line with their status. This means someone moderately attractive treating 21 year olds like they’re just barely worth their time can often get anything from sex to unpaid overtime if they sell it well and are indiscriminately fishing.
Most people grow out of it, but some don’t. Then there’s also that the pool isn’t a representative sample of the population. The mature and discriminate are easy to miss (they filter heavily), more likely to leave low investment pools like tinder because the effort/value proposition is bad, and when they leave because of relationships will take longer to return to the pool. It’s not that all the good ones are taken, its that most of the bad ones are looking.
Alright alright alright
Certain women like asshole confidence. Typically the type to write “I’m a bitch, deal with it” in their bios
I’ve known many women who were very nice and intelligent, who dated assholes. Usually they end the relationship thinking “ugh, why did I do that? That guy was such an asshole.”
They do this because women are human, and do the very human thing of making mistakes and regretting them.
sometimes you dont realise theyre an asshole until youre already a year plus deep
Yeah, new relationship energy will fucking get you sometimes
yeah im still feeling the repercussions of the one i went through 5 years after it ended
They do this because women are human
Big if true
I find that spanning inferential distances is typically best accomplished by starting from obvious facts. When you say something that sounds dumb because it is so obvious, you’ve found a good starting point for creating shared understanding.
They do this because [even nice and intelligent] women are
humanhorny, and do the veryhumanhorny thing of making mistakes and regretting them.Bad/terrible people can be hot. In fact, often when people are hot they feel more free to be their natural asshole selves because they can get away with it more. This applies to both men and women in all directions.
In fact, some people want their partner to be mean to them, its more often hetero women who like that. If a guy can be mean and get away with it, that implies they’re hot shit, extremely confident, rich, and/or powerful. Those are attractive features in a guy.
There are also hetero men who want women to be mean to them, especially in the bedroom.
I can find no fault with anything you just said. Except maybe that having a thing for being abused spans all genders and sexual identities.
Damn I need to power off. I’m like how does anyone write in their BIOS? I’m pretty sure it’s just settings. 😅
It’s not that hard, the trick is using your computer after.
Aren’t all operating systems bi(nary)?
/s don’t @me about ternary computers
Edit: actually do @me about ternary computers, I looked them up and they’re cool as shit
LOL
deleted by creator
No. Hi. Asshole here; zero confidence.
Well I’d ask you to prove you’re an asshole, but apparently you don’t believe you could?
=P
No, inverse; i think it’s self evident.
Perhaps ironically, this is pretentious enough to convince me that you may indeed be an asshole.
Task failed successfully?
Or im just communicating on a deeper level than you.
Deeply communicating that you are an asshole, by continuing to be pretentious?
By showing that you are actually confident that being consistently pretentious is a good way to showcase this, despite claiming you have no confidence?
By disproving that your asshole status is self-evident, by showcasing that it actually requires a sustained interaction to demonstrate this?
I dunno, I’ve been around a lot of assholes, constantly contradicting themselves in ‘clever’ ways is pretty bog standard behavior.
implies confidence.
nope. it implies a craven amount of insecurity.
it says something though that so many people assume this, it’s certainly not just you.
Whatever. It gives off the impression of confidence. We’re trying to explain observed phenomena here, not cast moral judgements.
In my case, you’re wrong, the guy is like a tank, insecurity is not the case. I see some people trying to “dig deeper”:
- “maybe the women have insecurities, so it is them who are to blame”
- “maybe the asshole is not an asshole, he just has a childhood trauma”
No, he is a confident asshole, and his “charm” works one some women (and not each of them falls into made-up categories). People look for patterns too much. “I’m a red-piller” - lol, that’s a first.
Note, I’m not protecting the guy, but he is not a comic-book villain with an origin story. He just happens to be successful in finding one-night stands because of a personal trait.
Edit: forgotten line breaks
the guy is like a tank
a lot of people who over-invest on physical attributes have serious insecurities.
I hold to my premise. it in no way discredits him being an asshole in his coping with these issues.
Not strong like a tank, I meant by attitude. Ok, you invent whatever person you want in your head.
When you say things like “some women can’t resist assholes” it sounds like red pill rhetoric. A better way to say it might be like “some assholes prey on women’s insecurities”. Keep the focus on the person who is the problem, not the victims.
When you say things like “some assholes prey on women’s insecurities” it’s incredibly condescending, especially when you consider that women can also be assholes.
Like begets like. I’ve known too many couples where both of the people in the relationship are trash.
The amount of tone policing here is fantastic, everyone is finding something problematic about what is being said even though the actual effect is mostly agreed on
Well, to be fair, I don’t find anything problematic with saying some women can’t resist assholes.
If you were to suggest that all women can’t resist assholes, 100% that’s red pill garbage. Suggesting that the first statement is red pilled rhetoric is a false correlation, and I’m saying this as someone who is very protective of the women in my family.
That being said, I would also never suggest that some women aren’t victims of cycles of abuse. That would be morally reprehensible and delusional, to put it lightly.
A better way to say it might be like “some assholes prey on women’s insecurities”. Keep the focus on the person who is the problem, not the victims.
idk I think that’s needlessly condescending to women, not all of them dating assholes are victims, some just like assholes because they like asshole behavior because they’re also an asshole.
This also takes away agency from people. In fact, I am sure that there would be a way to diagnose every single relationship ever as a form of abuse in which someone takes advantage of someone else’s something.
Adults are responsible for their choices, and particularly in the case of “assholes”, that is often associated with being assertive, dismissive and some people just like that kind of “I am the main character” features. Maybe there are even some deep rooted evolutionary reasons for that, I don’t know. Anyway, painting anything as victim-oppressor dichotomy IMHO is nonsense.
I keep the focus where I want, that doesn’t change the asshole-victim situation, and I won’t save anyone if I change the wording.
Obviously you can do what you want, you have free will.
How about:
Many men, and women, and every other kind of human, often mistake confidence and decisiveness … for competence, reliability, trustworthiness, responsibility.
…
This is by no means totally specific to a sex or gender, it applies broadly, in all kinds of social situations, business relationships, etc, between all kinds of genders and sexes.
This innappropriate or overweighted heuristic tendency also tends to lessen with age, as people gain first hand experience and knowledge that this heruistic, this intuition, this assumption… is actually often not accurate.
…
Anybody with decent charisma, which a huge component of is an above average, but not overwhelming level of outwardly displayed confidence, stands a better chance at convincing most people of basically anything, intentionally or unintentionally.
Lots of overly confident people bulldoze into a situation, legitimately believing they were well equipped to handle it in an ethical way, only later to realize… oh, I am in way over my head, I fucked up.
Lots of overly confident people also just know they are full of shit, and intentionally bulldoze through, and then either gaslight about how they did nothing wrong, or just fucking vanish.
This again works beyond just interpersonal romantic relationships:
For every bonafide grifter con artist (crypto for dudes, cosmetics MLMs for gals), there is a well intentioned new boss or manager who basically accidentally fucks up the entire department out of inexperience and hubris…
And both of those are often aided by their natural, above average levels of confidence and charisma.
I’m fine saying “many people prey on other people’s insecurities.” I am not “making this about gender.” I was mirroring the genders I was replying to.
But you mirrored both the genders and the way responsibility flows.
Some men and women are assholes who prey on the inexperienced, some men and women are naturally more confident than most, and give others a false impression, mostly or entirely unintentionally.
You don’t seem to accept that some people can accidentally lead people on without actually trying to do that, that one person’s obvious flirting can be another person’s just trying to be friendly, that one person can never explicitly say that ‘this is a committed, serious relationship’, and another person can hear that anyway.
If you think I’m mirroring everything the other person said, why are you criticizing my words instead of theirs?
It’s not just preying on their insecurities. Everyone has insecurities, but not everyone will let you into their pants just for calling them a worthless piece of shit or something. The women in question must have some deeper issues. Because I also have a friend who demonstrated to me how you can just go on Tinder and write horrible shit to women and get surprisingly good results.
That’s just a loop like how people ask which came first… hen or egg
It’s not entirely unjustified or wrong though. Women are awful.
Women are awful.
💀
Why are all women awful?
How is this any better than saying all men are trash? How do you not see the hypocrisy?
I can tell from personal experience. It’s not hypocritical.
Can confirm.
I’ve let several women do my make up and they’re always super enthusiastic that I’m down for that.
It’s SO hot. A man in touch with that side of himself is sexxxxxxxy.
Top half, even the watch, all women’s clothes from the thrift.
DELISH.
Looking good! I’d have no idea.
Nice, I like your style! Also, hello thrifted vest brother
Stopped using social media (other than Lemmy) years ago and I never take photos of myself so these were the only ones I could find right now. Got about 10 vests and so, so much more, all thrifted.
I sometimes put a pink ribbon around my dick.
Is that also sexy?
Of course girl with a goth profile picture and spiders in her name thinks goth style is hot.
In the meanwhile my bald head and nike sweatpants attract eastern european girls like a lamp with moths. You catch what you fish for.Imagine if you wore a full track suit
That’s only for ceremonies
Try to complete your Gopnik style with a few items more.
You’d become unstoppable if you started walking while slav squatting.
Prince will steal your girl, then steal her clothes, then steal someone else’s girl in those clothes
I - a bloke - sometimes paint my nails. If they’re still painted when I go to work you can guarantee I’ll get a few comments from guys questioning whether they “should be worried” around me*. Meanwhile, the few women who work there think it’s wonderful and have offered to do them properly for me. _ *they needn’t be worried. My standards aren’t that low
When guys ask if they should be worried around you, do they expect women to be worried around them?
Yes. And women should be worried around them.
I’d be outright ostracised, casted out, spat on if I showed up with painted nails/eye shadow to work here in England
I’m also in England, though in the South, where we’re all soft fairies.
And yeah, the response can be annoying, but the way I see it, I’m a gobby, fat, mostly-straight cis guy who’s married to a woman, so the abuse I might receive is nothing compared to some others. So if I can go any way at all towards helping to normalise something as benign as painted nails on a straight man, then I will.
It depends so much on regional norms.
Out on the West Coast of the US, painted nails on men is very common, while usually an indicator of an “alt” lifestyle or a particular attachment to fashion, it’s not entirely uncommon to see a dude in a suit with black nails and might only get a few passing comments like “Wow, you pull that off!” or “Haha, how does your wife feel about you using her cosmetics?” at worst.
But if you move East by one state boundary you literally might get cussed out or glanced at like a predator or worse, depending on how deep you go into small town mormon communities and the like.
I have thought long and hard about what would go into a mainstream, masculine nail-painting style that would actually catch on and be popular and add something to most men’s style, and not just young, waifish catboys with narrow hips, but would also benefit Carl down in accounting. (Rusty metal? Lumberjack plaid? little dicks painted on each?) And after that mental exercise I realized two things.
1 - Nothing we do as a species makes any sense and our attachment to social norms is never, ever going away.
2 - Gendered expression that isn’t just hanging a sign around your neck with an arrow pointing to your genitals is utter nonsense also. Why do so many people associate painted vestigial claws with femininity? If you paint your dog’s nails in a color you or others will start viewing your dog through gendered lenses. We are a silly creature.
Why give so many fucks about style? Who cares what anyone thinks right? Shouldn’t we all just dress comfortably and quit worrying about appearances? Focus on what matters? Meaning of course, our personalities and our humanity. People always wanna act like how we appear somehow matters. I hate vanity, which is why I dress plainly, rock a plain haircut, and don’t “express” myself through visuals even though I would “get more pussy” if I catered to society’s expectations. Instead I let my principles and morals shine through my actions, which actually have an impact on the world.
While nothing you said is incorrect from your own personal views and desires, avoiding fashion or stylistic expression is as much your own paradigm as someone who does choose to wear certain things or express themselves in certain ways. IE: choosing no style is also a style. You simply cannot escape self-expression unless you are utterly alone on an island, and it could be argued that even then self-expression will be valuable for preserving your sense of self.
Self expression and creating identity is just a human thing that we’re never going to get away from, nor should we unless we’re ready to like… become absorbed by some kind of hive-mind. We are social creatures, we literally can die without social identity.
So, Ricky Nightshade?
The problem is most average looking men, when bedecked in goth shit, look like Bluey got run over by a Spencer’s truck.
The dude in everyone’s imagination wearing black makeup and jewelry looks like a strung-out rockstar with don’t-give-a-fuck vibes who lives for adventure and wild nights. The vast majority of ACTUAL men have the body-shape of a rectangle and have to spend most of every day waiting in lines, attending Zoom calls, explaining to customers why their wifi doesn’t work (Reset the router Ethel, no that’s not a router, you’re holding an egg steamer.)
We gotta abandon the idea that people have “looks” at all times. Lets repopularize costume parties so guys get a chance to try to dress-up without it being some kind of shocking change to their entire persona. I had a stiff, straight-edge boss who attended a Halloween party and went goth. Completely unrecognizable, he was a legend.
I’m trying to get back to rectangle, I passed on to deflated beachball…
It could be worse, you could be me, an inflated beachball on a stick.
Lets repopularize costume parties so guys get a chance to try to dress-up
Yeah but isn’t that what women do when “going out”? Makup and clothes that create a different look and style?. Maybe call it “persona”, like “my social persona is male harajuku” (lol)
Yeah but isn’t that what women do when “going out”?
Yah but it still doesn’t give men in particular the pass to experiment, to try new identities or personal expressions. I may be mistaken, but I think this was the origin of the “fancy dress party” before Halloween co-opted the idea and made it so trying out a new a “fancy outfit” is now dressing up in cheap plastic masks of stereotypes.
Back when I was a young, gay goth, one of my closest friends talked me into going out swapping wardrobes. He was(and still is) very handsome, but he is one of those preppy gay guys.
I hate the fact that our Polaroids of that night got lost. It was such fun, and although I didn’t recognize myself in the mirror, it felt amazing, being a different version of myself for a night. And he felt so free, not having to worry about his hair and looks for the night, wearing comfortable, scuffed to hell boots, instead of his traditional suede shoes.
Yeah, you can’t wear the same thing every single day unless it blends in with everybody else.
YES.
Jeffrey! This better not awaken anything in me.
bi_irl
This depends on the guy. Some can pull it off, others can’t. I’m one of those who can’t. If I put on make up, I wouldn’t look goth, I would look like a serial killer lol
It’s not so much about looking “goth” but learning how to augment whatever natural attractiveness you’ve got and demonstrating a level of self-assuredness and self-awareness. Knowing what works for you is part of that.
“Goth” just happens to be a very bold and somewhat easier style to look decent. A more “nude” look is, counterintuitively, pretty difficult but there’s almost no masculine individuals who wouldn’t benefit from it.
That’s very well put.
Does anyone have resources they’d like to share to that end? For absolute beginners for very subtle men’s makeup.I have nothing “for men” specifically but there’s a million and a half tutorials on how to use primer, concealer and foundation. So long as you don’t start doing any contouring it should all be pretty gender agnostic.
I’ve met some very pretty serial killers. You do not look that good. Sorry.
Way to share your kink, sis. Mines biting people with brains. Everyone’s unique.
kinky…
It’s the only kink I have. Nikki Sixx is clearly not a great person, but put him in some high heels and eye blacking, and I’ll drop trou.
I love it. Metalheads get me with their long hair at times.
I’m a sucker for Nike outfits
Guys: I want a goth girl with big boobs
Also guys: ew goth. GAY!
They just love goths.
Female goths: double attractive
Male goths: questions sexuality
What about enby goths?
Opposites often attract wildly.
A lot of really “standard” guys who dress in polos and jeans will look at a girl in a black leather schoolgirl outfit and see mystery, sexual freedom, experimentation, and all the dangers that mother warned you about. It represents an escape from social chains and it’s not just a sexual kink, but it can really feel nice to imagine having someone who challenges your preconceived notions or gets you “out of your shell” because a lot of men have no idea how to do that and fantasize about meeting someone who drags them by the arm through life to get them to enjoy things they’d be afraid to try on their own.
Speaking as a man who’s partner has filled this role for many, many years.
Nah, but the Harley biker is certainly a gay look
thank rob halford for bringing that look to the masses
Metal is my religion,
And Judas is my Priest.
Ah yes, the leather daddy BDSM iconic gay “look” that these totally hetero men who go on long trips together to scenic areas without women, and with vibrations the whole way to excite the twig and berries, and a nice massage to relax the rear end.
Bigger stretch than professional wrestling, but not much.
God fearing, homosexual hating trailer park kids don’t realize that watching two oiled up men in spandex is… well, pretty fucking gay. Not meant to be disparaging, I just mean the only things missing are penetration and a money shot.
the money shot is when they get color aka bleed. then it gets exciting
I don’t know where I heard it but I think the sound of a Harley V-twin engine sounds a lot like a throaty man voice shouting
BROTHER BROTHER BROTHER BROTHER LOOK HOW GAY I’M NOT BROTHER BROTHER BROTHER BROTHER
On second thought I think I heard it from a canadian redneck madman on youtube. ZipTies&BiasPlies
wasnt that a joke on south park? or did they do a different joke making fun of the same thing?
Very similar joke for sure, maybe I combined the two in my head
I DO COCAINE!
Ohhh, that’s the reason why The Sandman always looked so tired and kinda damp all the time… He was nearly drowning. 🤌🏼
It’s not gay, I’m just not goth. Also you can get quite far by not being a twat and knowing when to roll your sleeves up.
Same here. I prefer looking all bright and happy on the outside to hide the darkness on the inside!
I wear black nail polish and skirts and still get zero pussy.
Same. Must be because I’m a woman, smh.
I would think it would be easier, that being the case.
I mean, you get at least ONE pussy.
Nah plenty of women are into other women who dress like that. My SO for example.
deleted by creator
I also stopped giving a fuck what people think. It’s kind of nice. I also like being different. I like kilts too, most of the ones I see are designed to be worn at the waist which I don’t really like. Most skirts are too but they’re usually more flexible so I can wear them at the hips. I’m glad you have people who support and encourage you. I think my mom and sister are getting used to my personal style.
deleted by creator
Fuck yeah. I need to go kilt shopping now.
deleted by creator
That is quite fancy. Fuck yeah man. It would go great with a pocket watch if you like those.
Okay, but how much dick do you get?
3"
Only dick I like is my own
That must hurt your back, but power to you if you can pull it off!
power to you if you can pull it off!
Jesus fucking himself christ, that’s horrific
quietly laughing to death
not what i meant
Early 00s were a great time. I rocked those painted nails and eyeliner 🤘 along with the baggy jeans, chains and spikes
Nowadays all I dress in is luminous shorts and anxiety 🤘
