“It’s not a principle if it doesn’t cost you anything”
Also just curious about your deeply held principles in general.
No political grandstanding please.
I work in IT and have the knowledge and tools to scam a lot of people but I don’t, I keep being poor.
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Weighing this decision right now, certainly is tough.
I switched to linux cause fuck windows. I switched to grapheneos cause fuck apple. I switched to proton cause fuck google. i dont eat meat cause i think animals ARE CUTE. i make less money than I could because I refuse to work for weapons manufacturers. Living up to my principles makes my life more inconvenient. period. thats it.
(I don’t wanna be that guy, but nothing you said sounds like an inconvenience to me. I say this because using proton > google isn’t an inconvenience, just a choice… etc, I guess installing an os could be an inconvenience but not really, they make it super easy nowadays. Anyways didn’t wanna poop on ur parade or put you down, but ur post might scare people into trying alternatives, when it’s really not thst different from what they have now, just better)
Yea, I think each specific case requires more nuanced explanation as to what made it inconvenient, but it was more fun to keep the rhythm of “I chose x cause fuck y”. I also don’t want to scare anyone away from all these things - they are good things! The biggest inconvenience is probably the migration, but learning is fun!
Not drinking alcohol when I’m alone or not in a good place mentally. And yes, this can be hard depending on the social circle.
I once went out with a friend to the clubs while I was on vacation at his house in the big city. He had gotten a new job as a director and I was a minimum wage scrub.
He wanted to go to the restroom, so he gave me his coat and some money to store our things away. I find out they were charging an extraordinary rent for what many others offer for free. I refused thinking it was abusively outrageous and went back with our stuff thinking we could just store them elsewhere at a reasonable price.
He was pissed. He told me off and decided our night out was over. He railed at me, made me cry, and basically told me our friendship was over. In my mind, I was only trying to protect him. I left the next day.
He called me back a couple of times months later but I had already moved on. I want to think that he regretted it, but he’s in the big leagues now and probably thinks less of me.
During my military service I constantly fought against idiotic traditions and doing things the stupid and inefficient way. I had read the regulations manual carefully to back me up and presented my cases respectfully with proper conduct.
I always started by quoting the relevant regulations, so they had to hear me out and could not officially punish me for my “disobedient queries”. This got many of the regular staff royally pissed off at me, some just found my resilience amusing and a few younger offiicers even showed occasional support for me. I knew very well that nothing big would change, but I actually did manage to get rid of a few small things that were just hassling disguised as training.
My service friends thought I was crazy for stirring things up in vain, but I took good care that I never got them in any trouble. The only “punishment” they could give me was that I was always given the assignments that were considered most unpleasant and I was regularly sent on long range recon excersizes with my men, so I would be out of sight for most of the time. I loved those long trips in the woods.
I also quit my first real and well paying job out of principle a week after we got a new manager. I had been there for 5 years and really liked the work, but after the new manager gave us a list of changes he wanted, it became clear to me that it was time to leave. It would have been entirely impossible to fulfill my duties properly with the allocated resources and time. I could have done the work badly, sure, but this would have led to the customer leaving us for other services. I did point this out to the new manager when I was cleaning my desk. “Just because you cannot do doesn’t mean that someone better couldn’t” was the only response. They promptly lost the customer and 3-4 others also quit the team in the same year.
With the help of an old friend I landed a new, little less paying job but with vastly better benefits. Been there since.
I refuse to present a slide deck for job interviews. I’ve done it once before and it was obvious the hiring manager didn’t know what kind of person he wanted or I was. I ended up being miserable in that position for three months until I found a new job that didn’t bother with that crap. I’ve turned down two interviews for better jobs because they each wanted several rounds and a slide deck. I’m not willing to overextend myself for a group of indecisive people again. They can find out what kind of worker I am by simply communicating with me in two or three different interviews at most.
I run Linux on main. Started 2 months ago because it represents the kind of world I want to live in. I’ve stuck with it despite the fact that it feels like I’m computing on hard mode at times.
As someone who switched to Linux full time around 2001 and still has to deal with windows, Linux is easy mode. Windows is a pain in the ass.
I want my stuff to work and be reliable and that is linux.
You will eventually come to that realization given some time.
Out of curiosity, how come Linux is so massive on Lemmy? I signed up several months back and didn’t specify any specific interest as far as I can recall, but it feels like I’ve joined a Linux community that has a side-interest in the rest of the world!
This is a forum site intended as a FOSS Reddit alternative, so people who sign up usually do so because they know why FOSS is good, or because big tech (Reddit specifically) pissed them off. Knowing why FOSS is good and getting pissed off by big tech are also common reasons for switching to Linux.
We’re using an alt social media platform, it’s more likely that we’d also use other alternative services as well, especially when Lemmy users seem to be more tech savvy than most. It doesn’t help that Microsoft and the other tech giants are forcing the use of anti-consumer features when you can use Linux in the same way without being forced to use features you don’t want to use.
Not the one you asked but…I was a bit nerdy in high school and learned some programming. Nothing big, just c++, basic, and messing around in dos. I had friends try to get me into to Linux in the 90s but I was busy smoking weed and not wanting to learn things anymore.
Fast foward. A few months after joining lemmy and seeing Linux everywhere made me want try it again. I loaded Ubuntu on my old laptop and messed around a bit. Nothing big but I was able to do some basic tasks. It feels like a big world but knowing I could do basic computer things with Linux is a win in my book.
I haven’t really explored behind that, but I think the Linux community is just more into open source and see the clear benefits for humanity in the long run. Maybe that way of thinking just attracts more people to Lemmy. The decentralized aspect of Lemmy was a part of the reason I liked Lemmy. I wouldn’t want another spez or anything.
I feel this.
Permissions are a bit of a blessing and a pain
I got fired for filing a discrimination lawsuit against my employer for barring me from wearing the kilt I’d worn at least 2-3 times per week for two years. The banning was because they decided it was not “professional attire”, but all the yoga pants, miniskirts, and sleeveless dresses are just fine.
There’s a lot more to the story including a trip to mental health urgent care and the actual firing call happening while I was on FMLA.
I mean, wear what you want by all means, but as a Scot who’s worn a kilt a handful of times at very formal occasions it seems pretty odd to wear it on the daily. To each their own, of course, but it is a bit unusual. What made you decide to push ahead with this, knowing that your work wasn’t keen?
I’d been wearing it to work for 2 years prior to this. I also worked at the same company over 10 years ago in a department with a strictrr dress code and wore it for 3+ years in that role.
The meeting about the kilt happened the day before the c-suite were coming to visit the office from out of town, which I suspect was the real reason for it. Last time executives came visiting I brought up pay equity and raised the matter of inflation, COL pay adjustments, and merit raises when they got done telling us how well the company was doing and that our te am had a direct effect on boosting stock value. I got pulled into a meeting first thing next day to tell me I could not discuss salary with fellow employees, which is a violation of labor law and company policy. My ethics complaint about that was swept under the rug and when I cpntacted the NLRB (national labor relations board) to report the violation of the law the respondent basically said they could file it but the odds of the complaint going anywhere vs a company this size was almost zero.
Yay USA!
My wife, thinking I’m too careful with our child.
I think I’m (objectively) fairly balanced, maybe leaning towards careful, sure. But really I just want the baby to grow to the point of being able to walk without involuntary nose dives with both eyeballs still intact.
Yes, I think it’s too much for the baby to be allowed to run around with that actual kitchen tool in hand. Yes I know the baby loves it, but it’s essentially a metal rod. Constantly derails an otherwise good day to speak up, but here to on the baby’s behalf.
You should check out the Coddling of the American Mind by Jonathan Haidt and Greg Lukianoff. While it’s one thing when they are a literal infant, as they become a toddler and into early childhood there will be things they should be doing on their own that will more than likely injure themselves. In order to grow and develop they need risk. The problem with risk is that sometimes they will sometimes get hurt. However it’s the only way they can truly learn and grow, and it’s also why they have rubber bones.
with both eyeballs still intact.
That’s something you rather need watch out between 5 and 15 years.
And flower pots are dangerous btw.
Feels as if there is a particular flower pot that you have history with?
Me and my sis both barely missed the eye as a child. Always some big clay pot.
Obviously the solution is to put the baby in full biker gear, including a helmet.
Baby Platemail.
Don’t know if that counts, but I will use my turn signals every. fucking. time. At dead of night, with no other (visible) traffic around, doesn’t matter.
Granted, it’s the law, but I can develop an irrational hate towards other drivers for not using them. And this will happen multiple times a day.
So maybe not the kind of inconvenient you’re after, but at least I’m sticking to it.
If you do it habitually, it won’t cost you thought or effort. You’ll just do it by muscle memory. The bar for obtaining and keeping a drivers license is too damn low.
Yes, I know. That’s also why I keep doing it, so it will stay a habit.
Also, that’s why I said it might not be the kind of inconvenience OP was after.
When I was learning to drive, the government issued pamphlet included a phrase similar to, “Always use your signals, the car you don’t see is most likely to be the one that hits you.”
So I use my signals for any turn, any lane shift, no matter the context, no matter where I’m driving.
When I was carpooling to work a long time ago, a friend gave me some friendly grief over my usage of turn signals within an apartment complex’s parking lot. “Why are you using your signal? There’s nobody here.”
“Because the car I DON’T see is the one most likely to hit me.” “But there’s nobody here.” “Nobody that you see, but what about the car you don’t see?”
She didn’t get it.
Oh yes. I do the same. And I often fantasize about telling these dicks that their turn signals are broken.
My parents were changing ISPs and we were told by the guys doing the connection that a cell phone number was necessary. We have been with this ISP a few times before and a cell was never required (we change when the other company has a sale).
I was the only one in the family with a cell at the time.
This happened a short time after I started degoogling so I had no problem saying no when someone asks me for personally identifiable information. I asked the tech “I just got home from work, what would you do if I wasn’t here?” and “Not everyone has a cell phone, you must have a procedure for those people” He seemed dumbfounded by my questions and refusal to hand over a cell number.
Bud kept insisting, I kept saying no. He caved and used Dad’s email address.
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I don’t burn bridges with anyone. I grew up very isolated and alone and decided early in life to never be part of making people in my life feel that way.
I was the only one to visit my mom at the psych ward despite it being far and us not getting along.
I picked up an abusive ex from a date that had gone terribly wrong late at night.
I stayed on the phone with another toxic ex for a few hours as they nervously went home from a party in a bad area.
There’s lots more examples and it’s pretty much always a pain in the ass, but everyone should have someone to go to. I’m not necessarily nice or dishonest about my feelings, but I won’t leave people hanging.
Dude… you’re an angel. I do burn bridges because some people don’t add good things to my life and mental health. I can’t imagine having to talk to my bio father.
That’s genuinely a great way to live your life. I have some reevaluation do now. Thanks for the homework.
It’s really not a healthy way to live. Plenty of people have told me to cut back on it, including two therapists. I’ve kinda understood that view, but I get stuck at the question of who is worth being there for and who isn’t.
but I get stuck at the question of who is worth being there for and who isn’t.
I think YOU are worth being there for. If those interactions are taking a mental or emotional toll on you to have, then why are these abusive and toxic people from your past “worth it” and you aren’t?
If instead you can have these interactions totally detached from yourself and you are strong and confident mentally an emotionally where there is no cost to you, then I don’t see a problem with continuing.
Yeah, I get what you’re saying. My therapist has said something similar. That said, these things will never have no emotional toll. Nothing in life is free. To be totally detached isn’t being there for someone and that wouldn’t be the right way to handle these situations either.
I appreciate the advice and the time you spent on it, but I do what I do because it’s what the person I want to be would do. Until I don’t want to be the kind of person that cares about even the people that have done wrong by me, I’m gonna keep doing it. I still live my life, pursue my goals, and take care of myself. I just sacrifice a little energy and peace of mind for the people in my life that need it when they need it.
That said, these things will never have no emotional toll. Nothing in life is free. To be totally detached isn’t being there for someone and that wouldn’t be the right way to handle these situations either.
Let me try again to explain what I meant with my statement on detachment. Lets imagine two people:
- Person 1 - They are someone you have no history with, but you are pretty confident they are a regular well-adjusted person just going through life. They’re no hero, but also they are no villain. Lets say you know “of” them, but you don’t know their personality, history, goals, or life desires. Perhaps they are an acquaintance of someone you know.
- Person 2 - This person is from your past that you had a deeply involved relationship with. You trusted them and were vulnerable with them, and this person intentionally harmed you emotionally because it got them something they wanted or perhaps your pain just was amusing to them or made them feel powerful. They used you and threw you away when they were done with you.
Your phone rings, its one of these two people. You’ve expressed you like to help people out in a jam. The person is in a jam asking if you can come and pick them up and drive them to their place of employment:
-
If the caller is Person 1, then you are emotionally detached from them. You have only the slightest of history with them and no bad memories (or good for that matter) of interacting with them. They are totally benign to you emotionally. You’d grab your car keys and head out the door to pick up Person 1 and probably be thinking about what activities you’d be doing afterward or perhaps what you’re planning to have for dinner. There is no emotional cost to helping Person 1 out as you are emotionally detached from them. This is simply an errand no different than going out and picking up a loaf of bread from a grocery store or a bakery.
-
If the caller is Person 2, then you are very much emotionally entangled with them from your shared history and the pain they inflicted upon you. You run through mental scenarios about if this is an emotional trap of some kind. You work the mental angles to see how you need to protect yourself emotionally and physically. As you leave the house you mentally prepare yourself and armor yourself against what this person knows of your weaknesses. You drive there filled with anxiety and worry about how you might be hurt yet again by this person that has caused you so much pain. In the driver’s seat you’re reliving the horrible events from your shared past and feeling those negative hurtful emotions roll over you as though it is happening for the first time. Even if you complete the pickup and dropoff entirely uneventfully, you’re waiting for the other shoe to drop. You drive home worried if letting this hurtful person back into your life will mean more emotional pain in the days ahead. Even without any negative things happening during the drive when they were in your car, this has cost you greatly emotionally, and it can for days afterward.
You are NOT obligated to be a tool of help to those that have wronged you in the past. The world is filled with millions of other people that have done you no wrong. You yourself are worthy of caring. There are so many other people worthy of your attention and goodwill. Leave the toxic people to their toxic lives. They are not entitled to your generosity. If they ever were, they harmed you, and lost any sense of privilege to your kindness. You don’t have to be hateful to them, but you don’t need to continue to invite them into your life at the cost of yourself.
Dang there hero 👀
One time I tried to report a guy who attempted to mug me but I scared him off. The police refused to take a statement cuz as far as they were concerned he didn’t manage to do any harm, except for me it was an attempt. And I was worried that he could hurt someone more vulnerable than myself.
