As long as both are consenting adults, whatever I think doesn’t matter.

So ive been in open poly relationships before and am very sex positive. The problem is several fold and it mostly comes down to education of everyone involved and comfort of all parties.

1. There needs to be solid trust and communication between all members. If you dont have this it will fail. This is why going open will never fix a broken relationship.
2. Some people arent able to let go of the jealous feeling of their partner being with someone else and thats ok it just means being poly / open isnt for them.
3. Everyone has to be ok with the arrangement before it happens. None of this “I get to kiss/fuck whoever I want but you dont” stuff.
4. The reason you want to be open matters. Do you just find it exciting? Does your partner? Are you long distance and so want to keep your options open? Does the partner know that? Are you into a kink your partner isnt into and they are ok with you experimenting? Are you in love with multiple people and want them all and they are also cool with that? Giant cuddle puddle sounds great? It all comes down to trust again. It can NEVER be because you’re trying to compensate for something your partner lacks without the consent of the partner

If there are any hard feelings in the relationship they will be compounded. So make sure the relationship is solid first.

Also being open doesnt automatically mean each person can do whatever they want. Talk yo your partner about partners you want to being in. Talk to the new people about your current partner. Make sure everyone is kosher about what’s happening (and also make sure everyone is regularly getting tested for STDs)

It seems like an exhaustingly complex set of boundaries to keep and tends to create winners and losers out of third parties if the boundaries are rigidly followed in most cases. I think being that secure is somewhat admirable, but it also seems like a devastating fall to make if things don’t work out. Different folks have different ways of doing things, I think it’s fine, just not for me personally and I definitely wouldn’t want to be the 3rd party to it either.

waste of time.

way too many people pursue the wrong people and do stuff like open relationships as a cope.

Look like doom to failed.

Without a commitment of some kind, that’s not a romantic relationship. That’s a non-binding letter of intent for a friends-with-benefits situation at a TBD date some time in the future with caveats and escape clauses. It’s about as much of a relationship as mutual swiping on tinder.

I’m newly poly and my wife and girlfriend both live in town, but it’s really fulfilling for all of us

If it works, it works.
Considering that people often hookup just for sex, I don’t see why it couldn’t work in this case.

Completely depends on long term goals. Is it something you’re looking to try?

Open relationships may work, if you’re both comfortable knowing the other sleeps with other people. But living in different states? That sounds more like fuck buddies than a relationship to me.

I think they can work and be fulfilling, but you have to be honest and trustworthy, and good about communicating.

My thought is “Why?”.

I fell like you need to people who are radically honest with others and I don’t understand why the long distance relationship is being maintained.

If you’re living in different states and are in an open relationship then you’re not in a relationship that needs a qualifier. I mean, to each their own, but trying to navigate social norms while going against social norms is just ironic.

if both living in different states

Key context right there.

Either you stay deliberately ignorant about what happens when you’re apart, or you’re going to feel the same as you would about it normally.

I don’t see being able to handle it. I find the sex hormones are kinda linked to the jelously hormones. I really can’t handle someone I am with being with someone else. Of course my hormones are assholes so it would likely be no problem with a bunch of people where exclusively with me. thats why the harem fantasy is so big.