Got lucky with a girl I met through a friend’s girlfriend that I am absolutely in love with but I couldn’t get it up when things got heated. Stayed over at hers but didn’t even get morning wood the day after, only semis over night. Also haven’t had a boner for 3 days now.
She’s actually texted me back more than once after the incident, so I think she might still be ok wil me, but I feel like I should apologise or something. I don’t want to force things but I also don’t want to lose her. Should I apologise?
Also I’ve looked at porn for like 13 years and was getting unwanted hard ons with no effort literally the same week this happened. And I tried looking at porn later (to check if it was porn brain) and my dick remained soft until I touched it (even then it wasn’t like like it nromally is). WTF? Could I have got ED literally the one time I was on the verge of getting laid? Safe to say, I will not be looking at porn again.
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Performance anxiety is perfectly natural, that’s when you put your hands and mouth to work.
yes and this often will getcha going.
Don’t apologize at this point, just be mindful to show you’re still interested.
If it’s just stage fright, spend more time on foreplay. Specifically foreplay focused on pleasing her. You’d be surprised how quickly your partner being pleased by your hands on approach will git’cher prick up.
Listen, you got nervous and things didn’t work right. It’s actually a fairly common issue. The problem is the next time not only are you nervous about the same stuff, but you get nervous it won’t work again.
Be an adult and talk to her. You don’t need to apologize, just explain that you like her and got nervous and things didn’t happen. She’s probably worried it was her. Take things slow and be patient and relaxed. Everything will work out fine.
If you don’t know what you’re doing, search for porn for women. It tends to be more “realistic” and more focused on what women enjoy. But at the end of the day just take it slow and communicate.
You got a tongue in your mouth, don’t you? Use it on her
Edit: reread and had a full night’s sleep. She texted you back. She might be a keeper, figure out what she wants and then give it to her lol
When in doubt, eat her out.
This is the way. It buys you some time and it makes her happy.
Could have been performance anxiety honestly.
absolutely in love with
Sounds like you’re on a bit of an emotional rollercoaster and it’s messing with your head - which in turn will mess with your dick’s behavior.
Newsflash - not being ready for sex is not some form of modern-day leprosy (no matter what the rape-apologist brigade says).
Real life intimacy is not something you can learn from porn - you can only learn it by doing (note that I didn’t say doing it). It sounds to me like you have an idea in your head of how these things should go that isn’t matching up with reality - if I were you, I’d rather sacrifice the former rather than the latter.
It’s not the porn - porn is just fantasy. It’s your expectations of yourself that’s the problem. You need to let that go. Not being ready for sex is not something you need to apologize for - but you need to learn how to be open about this stuff. She obviously still want to talk to you, and you should.
Thank you for this.
Sure thing.
As Wesker said, make it an exploration all about her and let it go wherever it goes. If you don’t get motivated for more, that is okay. Play it cool and don’t make a show of it. Take her to climax and then be whoever she needs in the moments after. If you do not take, only give, and never make it into a thing, you’ll be mysterious and interesting as a side effect. If you’re not into her, that will become clear in time.
Also double up on an exercise routine where you do a short morning and afternoon activity that gets you sweaty at a minimum. That always helps me.
Thanks. I tried that but quickly realised I had no clue what I was doing and she seemed uncomfortable telling me. I’ll do more if I get lucky again.
I’m assuming this is all new experiences for you, and if so, no one knows what they’re doing at first. You just gotta fool around, and pay attention to your partners’ body language.
I’d say the greater majority of young women have a hard time communicating what they want in bed. It’s uncomfortable being that forthright, in such a vulnerable situation.
So for better or worse, you often just gotta just pay attention and try new things, angles, rhythms until you see or hear you’re doing something that works for her.
The largest sex organ is between your ears. So don’t over think this. If you treat this as a massive problem you will just psych yourself out which is actually what you are doing right now. You don’t need to apologize which would just make this a larger issue. If you treat this like a problem it will continue to be one. Just relax. Roll around and have fun. Just remember that almost all women can’t come from penetration alone. Your tongue and fingers will always be better than your dick. Treat her delicate as an egg yolk and have fun. Focus on fun and pleasure and relax
Edit: Nothing wrong with touching yourself when rolling around. That is a normal natural part of all sexual encounters. Don’t feel ashamed about it. Its part of the fun
- How much / often do you masturbate? If lots, then keep your hands to yourself for a week+.
- Chances are you failed because you were thinking about it too much, stressing yourself out. This can be pretty much a bit of a death spiral btw.
- If you’re really worried, get yourself checked out by a doctor to at least rule out any potential physical concerns.
As for the girl… Have you not responded to her since then? If so I’d definitely apologize for that and then just explain the situation and that you’re feeling insecure about it.
Sex isn’t only PIV. Get that mouth working extra.
“Oh your vagina doesn’t work right? Not to worry get sucking girl!”
You were probably nervous. In high pressure situations, (I have to leave for work in ten minutes, let’s go!) I have a LOT of difficulty keeping it up.
See your doc if you’re worried. No shame in having ED. Every guy gets it at least once, most men just never talk about it.
Could just be anxiety, but get the doc to give you a general checkup anyway.
No, do not apologize. Ask to try again, sure. You don’t have anything to apologize for. I’m a lady but older and experienced, guessing you are too excited and your body is misinterpreting it as fear, maybe just go slow until it gets the message.
Take it as lightly as you can, and get back in there! Ask her out.
I’d recommend talking to a therapist about it as well as spending more time on foreplay. also getting some ed meds (like viagra) can help you gain the confidence for the issue to stop.
It’s pretty natural, you shouldn’t blame yourself for it. Sometimes it just doesn’t get up and you just literally don’t know why. Or it could be something stupid like you’re too thirsty. You should probably let the girl know though ASAP that you absolutely still are interested. Hopefully she’s understanding - if you’re in the US, sex ed is abysmal, and she may not understand
