I am afraid not.
It’s with you like race. You can’t change it.
If you’re part of any minority you’ll always attract these dumbasses.

Sorry, I’d like to tell you something better.

Oh, and the “Say something in Polish” may very well be meant well, even if it’s annoying. Nobody but you knows how often you hear it.

No ones truly anything, nationalism is a horrid thing and sorry people have treated you as they have, its more they’re own insecurity then anything to do with you.

I was born in the UK but with a West Indian and an actual Indian grandparent on one side. Lived there my entire life up until relatively recently. There were still people who would consider me not British. When people either in the UK or where I live now ask where I’m from and I tell them I’m British, there are many people who say “but where are you really from?”

But it doesn’t mean anything if I say I’m Jamaican, or Indian, because one I’ve been to for some odd trips as a kid and the other I only transferred through an airport. Yeah my DNA shows that, but my entire life has basically minimal connection to either of those places and a continuous connection to Britain.

I got the accent and the passport, but I didn’t get the skin colour. So these people will always exist who want to make it seem like I’m not “really” British. But that is on them, not me. I am British, whether they like it or not.

This is really a long winded way of saying: there will always be some people who consider you not truly British. Fuck them. They are idiots that have at best shackled themselves to some outdated view of what it means to be “British” and at worst want to shutter the whole country off to anyone who doesn’t look or speak like them and pull us all back to the stone age.

I think if you speak to people you are close with about this they would consider you British. If you speak with Baz down at the Red Lion he’ll ask you for a pierogi and then fall asleep in his own vomit after a few too many pints of carling. I think Baz is much less important than all of the real people in your life and most of all, the way you view yourself.

Whenever someone asks where you’re from, just get more specific with where you grew up. Never with where your parents or ancestors are from.

Country. County. Town. District. Block. Nearest intersection or landmark. Which room of the house was yours.

If they don’t get the picture or ask about your background, you could say “I thought you wanted to know about me, not my parents”.

The racists and xenophobes will never accept you. There’s no fixing some people’s brains. The good thing is, especially as you get older and able to do various kinds of work, you don’t have to associate with those kinds of jerks very often. It’s your community, it’s your country, and they don’t get to be the gatekeepers of who counts as local, no matter how hard they try.

Bigots don’t define labels - if you think you’re British you’re British enough for me.

I’m an immigrant as well (though the cultural differences between Canada and America are much less evident) and anyone who says I’m not Canadian can get fucking bent.

Knowing what a conker is makes you super British.

It’s curious, I have a similar story but with different countries, and the reactions are VERY different. I was born in Argentina, but my family emigrated to Brazil when I was 13 years old. I speak fluent Portuguese but obviously have an accent that people can’t quite place, but once it’s pointed out they notice it. Yet the vast majority of my interactions about it are something similar to:

• Where are you from?
• I was born in Argentina, but lived in Brazil over 16 years
• Ah, so you’re mostly Brazilian then

And I think that that says a lot about Brazilians and how they’re very welcoming and friendly. Unfortunately the British don’t seem to be the same way, at least from your experience, maybe people in larger cities are more used to immigrants so they would see you as mostly British or something.

As for the voting, for me at least the only way was to become a citizen, most countries allow you to ask for citizenship if you’ve been living legally long enough so you probably qualify. Just bear in mind that some countries ask you to abandon your other citizenships when you do so, so not sure if that’s your case and if it’s worth it just to be able to vote.

I am born and raised in England to Indian parents so always had some internal tension. Sometimes, I don’t understand my patents culture and sometimes I don’t understand English culture. However, I’ve realised I am who I am, and can take the best bits from both. There are some bits I don’t like so I’m the better for being / having that mix. I married an Irish person who moved over several years ago. Irish used to be the “other” and were screwed over, but now are sometimes considered “white”, so just shows the target moves.

There has always been racism in British society and unfortunately I have felt it pick up since the Brexit vote and Trump’s election (I think it empowered them). However, it is from a small minority of people. In some areas it comes from ignorance, which I can kind of forgive. Others will always see us as outsiders with our foreign names (and my brown skin) no matter what we do. I just think, screw them. I mean, can they trace themselves back before the Normans, the Romans or the Vikings etc? Where do you draw the line exactly?!? England has always been a mix of people and culture so they’re the ones missing out. I’m happy driving my Korean car to a German store to buy ingredients for a Thai green curry. Oh, I’ll grab a French pastry for breakfast, Chilean wine for the weekend and well, you get the idea! Let’s make the most of this multicultural place and ideas, and who cares about bigots who you can guarantee, like a cheeky korma and Belgian beer…

Perhaps recognize your truly cosmopolitan background as a citizen of the world ? Maybe fitting in nowhere is the beginning of fitting in everywhere ?

And grab that slur with both hands, flip it, and make it your own.

You seem like a decent thoughtful person, and I would rather have you as a fellow Brit than the knobheads that throw conkers at you.

Defining a person by their nationality is pretty stupid when you consider that we are all on the same rock hurtling through the unfathomable depths of space. My grandad always had to know where a person was from in order to put them into a specific box in his mind. I always found it utterly disgusting and just weird. I guess there will always be people like that, but it’s learned behaviour. Kids don’t care where someone is from until they are told it’s important by an idiot adult.

I’m waffling now, but it genuinely doesn’t matter where you are from. One of the few things that makes me proud to be British is the fact that we are a big melting pot of different cultures. We are enhanced by having British people with different heritages. I don’t know if you are planning on applying for British nationality, but I would be delighted if you did. I, and a huge majority of Brits would welcome you with open arms, while the bigots amongst us can fuck off and go and be miserable in their own nasty little corner.

For what it’s worth, if you’ve lived here since you were six, I’d absolutely consider you British.

British with Polish roots maybe, and perhaps officially Polish in legal terms (re your passport), but this is your home, so perception-wise I’d definitely call you British.

Re working and voting, that’s where it gets more complicated and I don’t know what the rules say, although it would seem hugely unfair for you not to have those rights having lived here for such a large proportion of your life. You could maybe try your local Citizen’s Advice Bureau for more informed advice on those points.

Sorry you experienced the kind of abuse/patronising attitudes as you describe - some people are just arseholes unfortunately. Doesn’t make them right though.

I hope that things get easier for you, and that as time passes you feel more accepted by those around you and are able to take part in regular life as much as possible.

I know the feeling. I’ve been in the USA for decades, almost my entire life, but as soon as I say anything, everyone can immediately hear that I’m not American. People who ask me about it are well-meaning and curious. I still don’t like it, but I try not to show it.

I thinknif you’ve lived in Britain that long most people would think of you as British, especially if you have a reasonably British accent. Where I live in Scotland, most people are happy to accept anyone who actually wants to live in Scotland as Scottish!

Hut there’s always going to be racist idiots. I’ve been told I’m “not really British” just because I’m from Scotland (by someone who obviously doesn’t understand the difference between England and Britain. And I’ve seem the whitest, pure Anglo-Saxon English people being called “not really British” because they wanted to stay in the EU. So, try to ignore the idiots!

Before reading, know that my response is mostly off-topic.

As an American it always seemed strange to me the perception of someone as an outsider. I know other Americans do it too so it’s not like we are some special snowflake country, we have a lot of intolerance of course.

But idk, to me Americans have all sorts of accents, indian/asian, hispanic, african, australian, whatever. I never considered that someone who sounds different wouldn’t be the same as every other American.

Not sure if this train of thought is shared by other countries. I have heard that Japanese people will basically never consider anyone not native to Japan as anything other than foreign. That is a strange thought to me.

I guess I’m bad at being bigoted.