Who cares? If you like him, and he likes you, go have some fun. If you like it with him, do it again with him. If you like it in general, do it again with other guys as well.

If you don’t like it, don’t do it again, wt least until the next time you feel curious

Don’t let weirdo’s dictate.thst you can’t have fun with being curious, don’t feel the need to label everything

I’m a 44 year old (mostly) straight guy who’s at a point where I don’t really know why any of that stuff really matters to people.

I was a teenager in Britain in the '90s when it was ridiculously common to refer to something bad as “gay”. So I grew up not homophobic as such, but having definitely equated being gay with negative connotations. But some 15 years ago I started to question my own attitudes, and, helped by a woman I was seeing at the time, I explored the idea of playing gay. I didn’t actually do anything, but she thought the idea was as hot as hell.

Fast forward to now, where I’m married to a different woman who also thinks that guys fucking is hot, and so do I. So it’s something that’s become an occasional part of our sex life, and it’s great.

Now, I’m not necessarily answering your question, because sex ≠ emotions. To me sex and emotions aren’t really linked. One is something to be enjoyed, and the other is something to be shared with an intimate partner. But the point is, if you’re a naturally open-minded person then your baseline for who and what you are will be constantly subject to change.

Are you straight? Are you gay? Are you bi? Are you any of these things? Does it really matter?

As to your point about being attracted to femininity: I definitely get that. Regardless of how someone identifies, if they’re feminine I’ve got a soft spot for them.

First, romantic attraction isn’t the same as sexual attraction. Do you want to spend time with them or fuck them?

Second, honestly I somewhat wish I was attracted to men, but I’m not. I’ve known gay/bi men who are attractive, but I’m not attracted to. I’m not off put by men by any means, but there’s zero sexual attraction to them for me. If this isn’t the case for you, then you may be interested in men but repressing it because you haven’t considered it before.

This is something you have to figure out for yourself. Consider the idea of sleeping with them and if that idea is interesting to you then I guess you’ve learned something new about yourself. Just like being attracted to women doesn’t mean you’re attracted to all women, the same is true for men and maybe you just hadn’t met a man that does it for you until now.

I took me a really long time and a lot of confusion to figure out that I’m ace

Yes I’ve seen Jason Mamoa.

Binary gender is such bullshit. Nobody is attracted to every man or every woman. It’s totally normal to be attracted to people who fall into both buckets if that’s your only way of categorizing people. Because that’s not how attraction or sexuality work. It’s so much richer and more nuanced than that.

I think that in reality, every human can relate to this post. Straight, gay, bi, asexual. You meet a person that makes you go “what the fuck is happening?”.

My opinion is that it doesn’t really mean (or necessarily equate) that you want to have sex with the person. For myself, I consider myself to be heterosexual although I wish I was bisexual. I do however consider myself to be biromantic, and could very well see myself in a relationship with someone of the same gender. The difference is that when I’ve envisioned or been close to trying the sex part, I get actually physically nautious. Not to say “gays make me sick” but, uh 😂😂 Me personally having gay sex makes me sick.

Same thing happened to me.

We connected more emotionally than normal friends.

Guy was interested but I let him know that before we did anything physical I might not be ok and it wasn’t anything to do with him. Did not want to hurt his feelings.

We eventually had a rom com ass first date. Ending in kissing. For me it just felt the same as girls. Always been indifferent sexually but like you said feminine men check boxes.

Enjoy! It was a formative time for me as a person that made me realize your life can change when the right circumstances come along. No longer with them but glad for the time period.

Yes. And it sucked. And it still sucks.

Within the last few year, I’ve finally realized I’ve been asexual my whole life. I’ve had sex before, but I struggled to care about it or enjoy it. It was always inconvenient, messy, went on too long, etc. I had enjoyed spending time with my partners, but I hated sex, and that’s been a huge part of all my relationships.

And, yes, I’ve had “good sex” before. Just like someone who hates pie can have the best pie ever, it’s still pie!

I’ve sworn off relationships until I can figure it out, but god knows that every romantic relationship will require sex to let my partner know that I care about them and their needs. I’m sick of compromising. Why the fuck should I need to compromise on something that I don’t want or like? Plus, because I’m not into it, I’m sure my partner would want someone who puts in enthusiastic effort to the endeavor.

Don’t tell me that I’ll find someone. It’s not comforting, and I’m still grappling with the reality of it. I’d like a partner, but it’s just not feasible for someone like me.

I’m still mad that I’m like this.

I spent years questioning my orientation because of how rare and mild my attraction to men was. It wasn’t until I started hormones and it went away completely before I realized definitively that yeah I had been attracted to men.

My question for you is, do your labels matter more, or your desires? And it’s ok to use the questioning label

I have a sort of extreme opinion, but I don’t believe anyone is 100% straight or 100% gay. (But I don’t believe people should call themselves bi just because they’re 99% straight or 99% gay.) I just think there are way too many people in the world to definitively say you’d never fall for someone of a certain gender.

I am bisexual. But that’s a bit of an oversimplification. I’m definitely attracted to femininity regardless of gender expression (“femboys”) and find masculine women attractive (“tomboys”), but it’s rare that I find masculine men attractive. My attraction to men in general is pretty rare and usually more like demisexuality. But it feels like such an insane mouthful to say that I’m gynessexual but buromantic because even then that’s still not really giving the whole picture. So I just say I’m bi.

I found out I was bi in my mid/late 20s, I don’t really remember when. Looking back on some of my friendships with boys in highschool I wonder if some of them I actually was romantically attracted to. As a kid I had a very difficult time knowing when I had a crush on someone, so there is precedent for me having crushes on boys in highschool and not realizing.

I’ll close with this. There’s nothing wrong with being “heteroflexible”. I used to call myself that before I started calling myself bi. There’s nothing wrong with being straight and calling yourself straight and liking a guy. (Insofar as long as you aren’t lying about it.) Sexualities are just labels to help us better communicate our preferences in an easy way. Don’t let the words define your attractions. Let yourself decide what you’re interested in and then worry about what label to use later. 💜

I tend to find myself attracted to kind, not aggressive men. I don’t think of them as feminine men. They can be quite masculine and still kind and not aggressive.

I was a feminine man, now I’m a trans woman. I still mostly find women attractive, because men tend to be socialized to be aggressive and I don’t like aggressive energy.

One of these kind, non-aggressive men, the first man I was ever attracted to, is still a dear friend of mine and dating a trans woman himself now. I believe our deep love for each other is something that helped us both to accept ourselves. Even though we’ve never been romantically involved with each other.

Everyone, and I think probably especially intellectual people, questions their sexuality (am I attracted to the opposite gender in some way?) and at least their gender expression (am I masculine / feminine enough?) to some extent. It’s no different for a lot of people I think than imposter syndrome and can be tied to a lack of self confidence.

Everyone is also capable of fantasizing about, basically, whatever, and enjoying it, without the fantasy or enjoyment having to mean anything about how they feel about themselves or how others will feel about them.

Also, sexual preference, as kinks and fetishes, develop and change in men at least until some surprising age, like, into your 50s. Like you could live your entire life identifying and living as a one thing and by fifty-five be identifying as something else. I think, and I’m not sure yet, be that’s just life. Most people who don’t live in a safe space bubble and don’t leave their home town or school aged friend group have to reinvent themselves multiple times in life.

Also also, sexual pleasure and gratification is a full body and mind experience and it’s possible that different partners stimulate and gratify different parts of that experience, even different encounters with the same partners. And none of that has to be carried around with you as if it changes anything about who you are or how you should be treated.

And lastly, it’s fine to treat this person and anyone else in a positive and fun way for both of you. It could be that this person expresses themselves femininely and so your instinct is to be a little different, whether that’s with more compassion and tenderness and even flirty, and I would say confusion is probably a very healthy and intelligent, internal reflex to something like this that is new to you.

And finally, anyone that says the Roman Empire collapsed because of all the fucking without making babies is a right cunt. If society collapses because of who any of us are fucking then… it was coming either way.

Edit to make sure someone catches that joke, which may be one of the best I’ve written.

Its like a math question. You need to show your working, even if you guess the right answer, or you don’t get full marks for it.

Yea I pretty much threw away labels because it got to be a pain in the ass to try and say anything when I always end up going into that description “I’m just attracted to femininity”.