Bruh I think of suicide on a daily level. I don’t do it, but I think about it. Honestly the basic things of modern life get me more than things that most people would expect. My jeep has been dinging because it eats oil. But it’s at that level in-between the problem levels. So it senses the oil level is low, and if it were really low, it’d ding 3x and stop. But it is somewhere in-between so it’ll ding 1-3 times, then cut off. But then it goes off again and it’ll ding another 1-3 times. But then it senses oil again, and I shift gears and it’ll ding again for one to three times. Just be below the level for fucks sake! That dinging is enough for me to want to kill myself. Id love to have a more valid reason, but the little things set me off more than anything.
It’s not like that. I never seriously consider it. But I think about it. It’s hard to explain, but I’m not at risk and I appreciate your concern. But for real, I’m not at risk. I’m just… Off. I’m more likely to consider it in a long line than anything really serious. Bureaucracy is more likely to make me consider it than any real life issues. Like fuck me, I have to go to the DMV? It’s more like just being sick of dealing with unnecessary bullshit.
This sounds like passive suicidal ideation: something that’s always there in the back of the mind, but not about to be actively acted on. To quote Anna Borges:
I don’t always want to be alive. Yes, I mean it. No, you shouldn’t be afraid for me. No, I’m not in danger of killing myself right now. Yes, I really mean it. How do you explain that?
It’s just like God damnit, another speed bump, another needless bullshit hoop to jump through. So it’s more of just being over the bullshit than actually being suicidal. I appreciate the concern, but it’s more like me just being sick of the bullshit.
Yeah, that makes a lot of sense. I’d love to hear of anything good you’ve got going on, though. Probably it’s not productive to carry on this thread with negativity but I’m also fully open to private messaging if you want to send complaints to me.
I heard an interview with a woman who tried to commit suicide. She was having lots of suicidal thoughts without actually planning to do anything, like you are. But, one day something happened and suddenly she decided that was it. I think she took a lethal dose of pills and she was just lucky someone happened to find her before it was too late. I think that’s a very common sequence of events.
She now really regrets trying to do that and works to try to prevent other people from committing suicide.
I’ve also been there, thinking about it without actually ever planning to… I regret not getting therapy sooner.
My point is this is actually serious and therapy may help you enjoy life more. What’s the point in living if you’re not enjoying it? Why not do what you can to make it more enjoyable? And maybe it would prevent you from doing something really regrettable.
I think you should at least call a hotline and explain your feelings to someone who knows about this stuff professionally. I’ve heard they get a lot of calls that are much less important and they’re still happy to help.
Again, I appreciate your concern but I really am not at risk. Im far too good at what I have been trained to do to take myself out before what’s to come. Im not going out senselessly. Fuck that. If I can help people, I will. And unfortunately I have been trained to be good at keeping people safe while they do their job. I assume that in the near future, my skills will be needed to help keep people safe from worse people.
Edit: it’s less “I wanna die” and more “I’m willing to die on this hill”
Bruh I think of suicide on a daily level. I don’t do it, but I think about it. Honestly the basic things of modern life get me more than things that most people would expect. My jeep has been dinging because it eats oil. But it’s at that level in-between the problem levels. So it senses the oil level is low, and if it were really low, it’d ding 3x and stop. But it is somewhere in-between so it’ll ding 1-3 times, then cut off. But then it goes off again and it’ll ding another 1-3 times. But then it senses oil again, and I shift gears and it’ll ding again for one to three times. Just be below the level for fucks sake! That dinging is enough for me to want to kill myself. Id love to have a more valid reason, but the little things set me off more than anything.
You might need a new vehicle.
But you shouldn’t be considering suicide regularly. It’s not a personal failing, just an indication that you need help.
I’m not a professional, but if you want to reach out, I’m a safe recipient. If you want to talk to a professional, there are resources.
Please don’t end yourself. Especially not because of your jeep. I’m certain the world is better with you in it.
It’s not like that. I never seriously consider it. But I think about it. It’s hard to explain, but I’m not at risk and I appreciate your concern. But for real, I’m not at risk. I’m just… Off. I’m more likely to consider it in a long line than anything really serious. Bureaucracy is more likely to make me consider it than any real life issues. Like fuck me, I have to go to the DMV? It’s more like just being sick of dealing with unnecessary bullshit.
This sounds like passive suicidal ideation: something that’s always there in the back of the mind, but not about to be actively acted on. To quote Anna Borges:
I keep her article in my bookmarks, and re-read now and then: https://theoutline.com/post/7267/living-with-passive-suicidal-ideation
You don’t have to defend yourself if you’re hurting. Even if you did … I get hating bureaucracy.
It’s just like God damnit, another speed bump, another needless bullshit hoop to jump through. So it’s more of just being over the bullshit than actually being suicidal. I appreciate the concern, but it’s more like me just being sick of the bullshit.
Yeah, that makes a lot of sense. I’d love to hear of anything good you’ve got going on, though. Probably it’s not productive to carry on this thread with negativity but I’m also fully open to private messaging if you want to send complaints to me.
But positivity does seem likely to be more fun.
I heard an interview with a woman who tried to commit suicide. She was having lots of suicidal thoughts without actually planning to do anything, like you are. But, one day something happened and suddenly she decided that was it. I think she took a lethal dose of pills and she was just lucky someone happened to find her before it was too late. I think that’s a very common sequence of events.
She now really regrets trying to do that and works to try to prevent other people from committing suicide.
I’ve also been there, thinking about it without actually ever planning to… I regret not getting therapy sooner.
My point is this is actually serious and therapy may help you enjoy life more. What’s the point in living if you’re not enjoying it? Why not do what you can to make it more enjoyable? And maybe it would prevent you from doing something really regrettable.
I think you should at least call a hotline and explain your feelings to someone who knows about this stuff professionally. I’ve heard they get a lot of calls that are much less important and they’re still happy to help.
Again, I appreciate your concern but I really am not at risk. Im far too good at what I have been trained to do to take myself out before what’s to come. Im not going out senselessly. Fuck that. If I can help people, I will. And unfortunately I have been trained to be good at keeping people safe while they do their job. I assume that in the near future, my skills will be needed to help keep people safe from worse people.
Edit: it’s less “I wanna die” and more “I’m willing to die on this hill”
Hmm. Can you drive over me before the check engine lights up?