Damn it’s sad that this post even exists. I hope things get better for you chief.
This is the most dystopian thing I’ve read in years.I’m so sorry this has to be considered :(
Shoplift food until you get caught and go to jail.
If you get caught without going to jail just keep shoplifting, at least you’ll always have food.
Just make sure to do it from Walmart or Lowblaw or some other government teet sucking price gouging corporation.
Low effort high sentence crime like credit card or check fraud. Represent yourself in court and be a complete ass to maximize the jury’s dislike of you, no sob stories reveal zero empathy for what you did. Try to find that sweet spot between minimum security prison, but long sentencing. Make a friend in jail and start a “fight” with them the day before your probation hearing or something to extend the behavior without angering the guards/warden too much?
It’s a pretty high risk low reward strategy, but the risk is mostly because it’s hard to get into a “good prison”. Also make sure you do it in a state with free prison, some states are pay-to-stay prison, though I guess that could open the opportunity for loan fraud and another sentence if you do get out?
pay-to-stay prison
That sounds utterly evil
I just learned this the other month. It is so fucked up.
Similar thing for me, i learned about a month or so ago that prisoners are forced to work. I always thought it was a choice, no no no. If you dont work you can be punished in jail for not being the proper slave that you are.
So much of our justice system would fix itself overnight if we overhauled the 13th amendment which makes inmates legally slaves.
Work can actually be a very good approach for resocialiding inmates. However, this only works if its done right. In Germany you can actually learn a new job while being in prison so that you actually have a chance to find a job ANF make money when you come out of prison. You can also get some money from the work you did on the day you leave so this is a great opportunity for inmate to get back into society and not being forced to do crimes for a living.
Arbeit macht frei!
Schwierig.
I like your idea. Some kind of non-violent high reward fraud. If you don’t get caught, it’s free money. If you do, it’s all part of your plan.
Go to Walmart. Eat whatever you want. Sleep there
If they call the cops on you because of theft or trespassing, there ya go.
Bonus points if you find a way to do this without getting caught and live there a while.
Or start a Tiktok account and a go fund me, and tell your story on TT. Sometimes you can reach the right person near you to do something
If I had the money, I’d pay to watch this. I watch Extra Cheesy Broccoli on YouTube a bit; Steve Wallis isn’t homeless, but does a lot of stealth camping in unusual places.
I saw a video where a guy “robbed” a bank of $1, with a “gun” that was actually a snickers bar. Then sat in the lobby and waited for the cops.
That seems like a good way to rob a bank, which is a federal crime, while not hurting anyone. And the tellers would even be able to figure out whats going on.
That sounds like a good way to get shot…
By a bank teller?
for less drama, you could “steal” property from someone you know and they could helpfully press charges so you can get arrested.
just a heads up, most prisons in the US are pay to stay, so you’ll accrue debt while inside, and depending on what state you’re in you might have to put up a copay for your medical care.
I’d advise doing a little research and committing your inoffensive bank robbery or the like in the right area.
There was an old guy a couple decades ago that walked into a bank and handed the teller a note that said “This is a robbery. Give me one dollar!”. Then he went and sat down and waited for the cops. If memory serves, he did it because he needed some dental work and couldn’t afford it.
There is no safe way to do this - you should find a shelter - even if it’s shitty and religious.
The myth that you can go to jail and it’s free board and food is exactly that, a myth.
You’ll pay for it one way or another.
It’s peddled by conservatives who think that jail is some kind of walk in the park. Sure there are nicer prisons but it’s still prison. No one really prefers it to being out on the street.
The alternative is worse for me. I can not survive on my own. Debt is irrelevant in death as an alternative.
I’m a little confused. It sounds like your pain and disability issues would be exponentially worse in a prison environment. What little relief you get now would be gone. What little activity you are capable of now would be gone. You would be a vulnerable person locked up with loads of people who are experts at exploiting vulnerability. You aren’t even guaranteed that the elements won’t kill you in there—there are recent cases of prisoners dying from summer heat indoors due to no A/C.
Given your options, I would seriously consider a city that tolerates homelessness over intentionally choosing prison. It will be a hell of a lot easier to dig yourself out of homelessness, if you ever do, than it will be to outrun the reputation that comes from a major conviction.
I think you need to be way more realistic about what your options actually are.
You’re thinking in terms if financial and sustainable self sufficiency. In the context of the post, you’re implying I should just kill myself, whether you intend it or not. I can not survive on the street. I am unemployable. It takes everything I have just to manage staying alive and I still need someone to help me with shopping.
I get it. I wish I had never regained consciousness that day. There are many days I would like to make that a reality. In this country, that reality is not my choice to make. Without family to support me, I am lost to the murder factory of a disgusting and deplorably evil country. This is what I am spotlighting with this post. A country is its people.
I’m not in any way trying to imply that you should kill yourself. I’m implying that there are dangers with both homelessness and prison, but at least with homelessness, there is the possibility that circumstances will change for the better. Prison guarantees your circumstances for the duration of your sentence, guarantees that the conditions will be punishing, and guarantees a stigma that will make you even more unemployable than you say that you already are.
My only point is that I believe the dangers of prison match or exceed the dangers of homelessness, and you should seriously consider that there are ways to be homeless that are safer and less awful than others.
If you can’t survive on the street, I don’t see why you think you’d make it in prison.
I’m not sure how LAPD handles it, but I know that in a lot of cities, the police may just let you go if they think you’re using jail as free shelter.
A buddy of mine spent a couple years homeless here in Austin, and would do low-level crimes like vandalizing things just to get picked up by the cops. He said that the police stopped arresting him after a while, and figured it was because he wasn’t escalating his crimes at all; he didn’t want to hurt anyone, he just wanted to sleep indoors for the night.
I’m sure LAPD is similarly too overworked and their jails too overcrowded to keep you there for more than a night or two, honestly.
I understand, and I will hurt myself long before I would consider hurting anyone else. Fortunately, or un- depending on perspective, I am extremely capable of creative thinking in the abstract intuitive sense, and nearly what one might call competent at the applied sciences. I can think of many ways to be dangerous. White collar would be most effective in that sense. I could be an advanced script kiddie if I tried. It is not hard to devise a plan that would induce a strong response to make an example out of.
This post is primarily therapeutic; to feel like I can call some degree of attention to the frustrating reality. And to feel a little less hopeless and abandoned in the evenings following another denial of disability after waiting 2 years, and for the second time. My folks are showing their age, and existentialism is creeping in occasionally.
Digital vigilante? Target health insurance / medical billing companies plz.
Sneakier, just add legitimate disability documentation into the relevant system and bump yourself to the front of the interview/validation process.
It’s a crime sure but not a particularly harmful one and if you never get caught you still get what you actually want without having to feel to terrible about breaking a law since it’s government ineptitude that got you into the situation in the first place and civil disobedience is legal and an exceptionally drawn out process for cities and states to fight.
Have you tried getting an entry level remote IT job? There are also sites that essentially hire for small programming projects, etc. Might not be steady but might be enough if managed well.
Piss on the front door of the jail? idk
Jail can be incredibly expensive!
Exactly! Make sure it’s a felony otherwise you might be billed for every day you’re in jail. Plus, a good enough felony will get you to prison for a good long time. Basically, anything with “grand” in the front of it.
You can end up paying room and board, mandatory counseling, classes, drug tests, etc. Plus phone calls are outrageously expensive. It’s a total racket.
How does that work if you don’t have money or just don’t pay? I mean what are they going do? Put you in jail?
Take a piece of all future income until it’s paid off of you pass away. At least here you can personally bankrupt once in a life time and live on “lowest livable” amount of money for five years and then get the debts “forgiven” except those accrued during the five year period.
It’s a hassle to apply and get granted though, usually not the privacy invasion invasion a recently released care to subject to
Some joker robbed a US post office in my town a year or so ago. Federal felony.
Is that the guy who demanded $1 from the teller and then just sat down to wait for the cops?
No he got away. Not sure if they ever caught him
You probably want to go to a minimum security federal prison. The easiest way to get there that I think of is check fraud.
You’ll need to write a bunch or bad checks in as many states as you can, or send them through the mail. You’ll need to do this a lot, and for a pretty significant amount of money otherwise they’ll just give you probation of some sort.
Having a disability might be a problem though; if it costs too much medically to keep you in prison they’ll just out you back on the street as a compassionate release.
Do they have conjugal visits?
I feel icky responding to this because it highlights how shitty society is at taking care of our less fortunate, but if I was inclined to get myself into jail I would probably start with shoplifting the things I need to survive like food, camping supplies, etc. Very low risk of violence and if I don’t get caught, hey I’m better off.
Eventually I’d get caught. Then I can just keep not showing up for court and shoplifting food. Eventually I’ll get thrown in jail and when released I start all over. After enough times I’d graduate from county jail to prison.
I’m not recommending this course of action, but it’s probably what I’d do if that was my goal. Nobody gets hurt.
Head a story of this one dude who as soon as he got out of jail he would go sit in the middle of the road until he got arrested again.
