You know, like “always split on 18,” or “having kids is the most rewarding thing you can do in life.”

What’s that one bit of advice you got from a trusted friend that you know deep, deep down would just ruin your thing?

  • De_Narm@lemmy.world
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    6 months ago

    “Choose a job you love and you will never have to work a day in your life.”

    or

    “Do what you’re passionate about.”

    Just no. Most things I like don’t pay well and I started to resent the others while doing them professionally. Turning your hobby into your job is like setting your favorite song as your alarm. That’s my experience at least.

    • kautau@lemmy.world
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      6 months ago

      Turning your hobby into your job is like setting your favorite song as your alarm.

      That’s an excellent analogy, I’m going to steal it

      • theangryseal@lemmy.world
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        6 months ago

        I used to love computers and technology. Now I get an idea about something I want to do, regurgitate a bit, shudder, and quickly throw that idea on the shelf.

        I can’t even stand looking at the inside of a computer these days. It was 3/4 of my personality when I was younger.

        That analogy is perfect.

    • Weirdfish@lemmy.world
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      6 months ago

      I love my job, I really do, but I wouldn’t do it as a hobby. I don’t think it’s so much advice about making your hobbies a career, as it is about finding work you enjoy.

      Video games, skateboarding, riding a motorcycle, all things I love, but no way I’d try to make a living at any of them.

      • TexasDrunk@lemmy.world
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        6 months ago

        Same. I used to do something similar to my job as a hobby but now I just don’t get on my actual computer outside of work unless I’m playing a game.

        I tried building guitars for others but found that I don’t like doing things to other people’s specs. So I still build for myself. Plus video games, motorcycles, playing guitar, tabletop games, and one rotating flavor of the month hobby.

        I think you and I would be friends.

      • skyspydude1@lemmy.world
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        6 months ago

        Yeah, I think that a lot of people misinterpret this since “turn hobby into job” seems to be the only way people think about it.

        I like cars and work in the automotive industry, and very much enjoy what I do. I also enjoy working on cars and other mechanical things as hobbies, but would absolutely loathe being a professional mechanic or technician. There’s enough separation between what I do for fun and what I do for work that it won’t sour my hobbies, but also enough overlap that my passion for my hobbies makes work far more enjoyable.

    • Maestro@fedia.io
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      6 months ago

      It depends, really. I turned my hobby into a profession and I am mostly happy. I lost a hobby, absolutely. I don’t practice my craft much anymore outside of work, but I do have a job I really like. And I found new hobbies over the years. But yes, I did loose a hobby.

    • A_Random_Idiot@lemmy.world
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      6 months ago

      Yep.

      Doing the thing you love, as your work, is a surefire way to hate the thing you once loved.

      cause a lot of that love was born from the freedom to engage with it, and the escapism that it gave you.

      Both of which completely disappear if you have to do it 9-5 or starve.

      But like everything, theres always the exception. There are people out there, 9-5ing every day for 30 years the thing they love with no burnout… and they are usually the ones held up as examples, not the 100,000 other people who tried it, burnt out, and hated everything.

      • polarpear11@lemmy.world
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        6 months ago

        I’m doing what I love as my career, but it was a hard road to get here. I started off out of high school as a professional photographer, never charged enough, didn’t know how to run a business, got burnt out, didn’t touch a camera for a few years, then after some desk jobs, realized photography was the only career for me. I decided to do it right this time, took business courses and prayed I didn’t end up hating it again. It’s worked out for me so far.

    • berkeleyblue@lemmy.world
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      6 months ago

      Couldn’t agree more. I decided to become a chef as my career of choice after school, cause I liked cooking. Can’t remember me cooking at home once in the three years of my training and the year I worked the job afterwards. Now I love it again and cook (almost) exclusively for my wife and me.

      Liking your job is cool but making your hobby your job and still keeping it as a hobby works out for a very small minority of people. For most it either destroys your hobby or you start resenting yout job.

  • xkforce@lemmy.world
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    6 months ago

    “Just be yourself”

    Ask any neurodivergent person how that goes.

    We mask because we are often punished for being ourselves most of the time.

    • NikkiNikkiNikki@kbin.social
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      6 months ago

      Can relate, when I start infodumping or talking in depth about stuff I enjoy I can see their eyes glaze over and they want to leave.

      • A_Random_Idiot@lemmy.world
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        6 months ago

        i mean, if its any comfort, my eyes glaze over and I want to leave anytime anyone even starts to talk to me, cause I cant stand social interaction, much less having to look at peoples faces to show i’m “engaged”

          • SuddenDownpour@sh.itjust.works
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            6 months ago

            It may give comfort to someone feeling socially rejected because, knowing that’s something that happens, they may now re-evaluate their previous experience as not having been rejected for having themselves especifically, but because the person they were talking to was dying inside out of their own inertia.

    • Jojo@lemm.ee
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      6 months ago

      As a religious trans person, it’s deeply insulting how many anti-trans religious authorities say things like “don’t let the world tell you who you are, trust in the voice of God in your own heart” or something, and then go all surprised Pikachu when I’m still trans afterwards.

    • Garbanzo@lemmy.world
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      6 months ago

      20% of your effort produces 80% of your results, so giving 40% effort at work should be plenty. Don’t even half ass it.

      • henfredemars@infosec.pub
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        6 months ago

        Professionals are consistent and businesses are risk averse. It’s easier and more valued to be reliable. Learning to do enough is an important skill.

    • xkforce@lemmy.world
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      6 months ago

      A lot of the advice in this thread is situationally good but this… is essentially universally bad advice.

    • aesthelete@lemmy.world
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      6 months ago

      I read some advice that loud work is the only type that is noticed and I can’t help but think with my experience in industry that that’s 100% right. It really doesn’t matter how hard you worked on something or how good it is in most cases, it only matters how many people know you did a thing.

  • spittingimage@lemmy.world
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    6 months ago

    “Never give up”.

    Sometimes you’re wasting your time and should give up. Better advice would be “decide how much you’re willing to give to this before you start”.

  • j4k3@lemmy.world
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    6 months ago

    “All kids think they are smarter than their parents.” - my father, constantly growing up

    What I learned: Never tell anyone else how to think or feel about anything. Anyone that tries to shape your thinking directly is a fool.

    Intelligence is like beauty, we don’t have a very good frame of reference to perceive ourselves. Physical beauty is largely measured by the reactions of others. Like beauty, intelligence has many facets. However my favorite measuring stick is curiosity. This is how I overcame my father’s admonition; while curiosity does not guarantee intelligence, an intelligent person is always curious.

    • xkforce@lemmy.world
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      6 months ago

      Nah… if someone keeps trying to stick a fork in the light socket or tries to hurt other people, I think its pretty justified to try to change the thinking that leads to that behavior.

      • Doof@lemmy.world
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        6 months ago

        Being curious doesn’t some how prevent you from having common sense

        • xkforce@lemmy.world
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          6 months ago

          The fact that you dont seem to understand why trying to stop someone from “sticking a fork in a light socket” might be a good idea is concerning.

          • Doof@lemmy.world
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            6 months ago

            The concerning part is your idiotic assertions

            The response is a purposeful obtuse way to make a binary snide comment. These one comment judgments are tired and just not a good way to grade much. Be more creative at least.

  • slazer2au@lemmy.world
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    6 months ago

    Just be yourself.

    There is a reason people hide who they really are until you get to know them.

  • Call me Lenny/Leni@lemm.ee
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    6 months ago

    All those who say [insert random hardship here] “builds character”. It’s not uncommon for me to respond with “what’s in it for me?”

    • weeeeum@lemmy.world
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      6 months ago

      Ehhh it depends. For a work interview or anything professional, you can take it until you make it. But when socializing however you should be yourself.

      People can tell when you are trying to be somebody you aren’t, and people are most comfortable around those who are open about who they are.

  • Lvxferre@mander.xyz
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    6 months ago

    The Venn diagram for “advice” and “bad advice” is almost a perfect circle. In general, advice is only good if three conditions are met:

    1. it was requested or at least clearly implied to be welcome.
    2. it’s given under a solid grasp of the situation, or after some serious thought.
    3. it’s not assumptive in nature. And, if generalising, it takes into account that generalisations fail.

    Those sayings - like in the OP - almost always violate #2 and #3. And usually #1, as it’s that sort of thing that people vomit on your face when they’re really, really eager to treat you like cattle to be herded.


    Okay… example. Right. Acquaintance of mine saying that I should work with computers - because I use Linux, because I can recover a password, because I can spend ten minutes (I’m not exaggerating) trying to parse what he’s asking help with. Under that “if u like it than make it you’re job! lol” approach.

    Yeah… nah.

  • Today@lemmy.world
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    6 months ago

    Anything about god taking you to and through things, or prayer. How’s that working for Ukraine or Gaza or a ton of other places with war, famine, violence, trafficking, etc.? Also, anything that refers to “fighting” cancer or other diseases - too bad your person is gone because they didn’t fight harder.

    • xkforce@lemmy.world
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      6 months ago

      This reminds me of this story about the concentration camps. “If there is a god they will have to beg for our forgiveness”

  • pdxfed@lemmy.world
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    6 months ago

    Neither of these is dead wrong but were rules of thumb that oversimplify changing and complex issues in the US:

    “stay away from credit cards” - often prevents people from actually learning about how underlying mechanisms of loans, interest, credit ratings, and budgeting work. There are definitely people incapable of having access to credit and not spending it, so the saying may be true for a subset but if you always pay your bill in full on time and just use autopay so you don’t forget, you’re leaving 1-5% annual rebate for almost all your spend on the table. If you play credit card churning games, much more.

    “The only things worth going into debt for are a home and education.” - while accurate in the US for decades, the applicability or even accuracy of this statement is now dubious depending on many factors: career field and interests for education; interest rates, geography and housing prices for homes.

    • Maestro@fedia.io
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      6 months ago

      The entire “credit rating” system is totally insane and dystopian for people outside the US. Where I am from, we only ever register bad credit, not good credit. If you want to buy a house and need to get a mortgage they can ask for your credit rating. But that only shows how much your current obligations to other creditors are, and whether you have had trouble paying them. And you only cartain obligations are allowed to be shown on such a report.

      In my country, someone with no credit card history whatsoever is in a better position to get a mortgage than someone who has a credit card and pays it off every month. The fact that the US is the reverse is just mad.

      • jeffw@lemmy.world
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        6 months ago

        There’s probably a healthy middle ground. We shouldn’t be handing major loans to people with no experience with credit either

        • Maestro@fedia.io
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          6 months ago

          We absolutely should. As long as they have enough stable income to support it. Rough guidelines in The Netherlands is that you can get a mortgage for about 4-5x your yearly income (subtract any other loans like credit cards, phone contracts or cars), and for no more than the house is actually valuated at (unless you’re going to remodel, then you can borrow for the estimated value after it is done).

      • HobbitFoot @thelemmy.club
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        6 months ago

        The test is to see if you can handle having access to credit you don’t use. Can you operate within the current financial system without going bankrupt?

        It is also the reason why recent inquiries on credit can also tank a credit score. You’re riskier to lend to because you are trying to get more debt than you were used to.

    • cobysev@lemmy.world
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      6 months ago

      “stay away from credit cards”

      I followed this advice in my youth. Never applied for a credit card, never took out a loan, never bought anything I couldn’t afford to drop cash on. I thought it would show I’m fiscally responsible because I’m not accruing debt.

      Then I got an opportunity to work a govt job providing communications for the White House; basically, following the president around and ensuring he’s able to communicate at press events, etc. I applied for the job and was told I was their #1 candidate…

      …But they ran a credit check on me and was surprised when they got zero results. I proudly stated that I’ve never been in debt before, so my credit risk is zero. But according to them, zero credit history is shady as fuck. They said they couldn’t tell how well I manage money because there’s no history showing regular, on-time payments on credit cards, loans, etc.

      They couldn’t tell if I had trouble managing money or not. That made me a potential bribe risk. Someone could offer me tons of money to slip a bomb into the president’s podium, or let a suspicious character into the White House, and if I’m hurting enough for money, they suspect I might be willing to do it.

      Literally, my entire history of service in the govt had no bearing on my loyalty. Only my credit score. I lost that job opportunity because I was fiscally responsible.

      I went out and got a credit card that same day. I now have an extremely high credit score, which I keep up by paying all my bills and utilities on credit, then paying off almost all of it at the end of the month. I think it’s stupid that I need to put myself in debt, then pay my way out of it over time, spending even more money in the long run, just to prove I’m fiscally responsible. That should prove that I suck at managing money, not the other way around. But that’s the broken system we have today.

      • bitwyze@lemmy.world
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        6 months ago

        I’m confused - you pay off almost all of your credit card and you’re “spending even more money in the long run”. Why not just pay off all of it? Surely if you were able to afford your bills with cash, you’d be able to pay off your credit card in full every month since the bills would be the same?

        • cobysev@lemmy.world
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          If you want good credit, you don’t pay it all off. You need recurring payments over time. If I pay it all off at once, then my credit score doesn’t go up much at all. But if there’s a constant debt on my card and I’m never late in paying at least the minimum required each month, then my credit score skyrockets quickly.

          This is why the system is garbage. You need to spend more money to show you’re excellent at managing money. It’s a dumb system that makes no sense.

          I pay almost everything off because it minimizes the interest I have to pay while keeping a line of credit running on the card. But it’s important to keep that line of credit active, or else your credit score stagnates.

          • bitwyze@lemmy.world
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            6 months ago

            Isn’t that just not true?

            https://www.capitalone.com/learn-grow/money-management/credit-myths/

            Myth No. 5:  You have to carry a credit card balance to build credit

            If you don’t pay your credit card balance in full, it’s carried over to the next billing cycle and considered a revolving balance. And that unpaid balance might accrue interest.

            You don’t need to carry a balance to build credit. According to the CFPB, “Paying off your credit cards in full every month is the best way to improve a credit score or maintain a good one.”

            Fact No. 5: You don’t have to carry a credit card balance to build credit

            While carrying a balance isn’t necessary to build credit, a healthy credit utilization ratio—which measures how much available credit a person is using—is an important part of credit.

            In addition to paying off credit card balances in full every month, the CFPB recommends keeping a credit utilization rate of less than 30% of your available credit. That can be a way to show you’re responsible with credit.

            I pay my credit cards in full every month and accrue zero interest and have excellent credit…

          • BirdObserver@lemmy.world
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            6 months ago

            I’ve got a high credit score and I’ve never not paid it off in full. It’s only really ever went up over the years, with the occasional tiny 1-3 digit drop. I’d never pay interest I don’t need to in exchange for a higher rating; they’ve got enough money.

        • hightrix@lemmy.world
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          5 months ago

          Only pay off what is due, not the full balance. So if I spent 100 on my cc last month and then 100 this month. My bill is for 100, but my balance is 200. Pay the 100, incur no interest.

          Edit: by “what is due” I mean the full balance from the previous month, not the minimum payment.

  • ___@lemm.ee
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    6 months ago

    Most chess advice. It teaches you to think in simple terms without actually thinking about a position. It’s good if you want to get passably good, but it’s a handicap once you improve.

  • madcaesar@lemmy.world
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    6 months ago

    Most one sentance advice is just a deepity

    Generally, a deepity has (at least) two meanings: one that is true but trivial, and another that sounds profound, but is essentially false or meaningless and would be “earth-shattering” if true. To the extent that it’s true, it doesn’t have to matter. To the extent that it has to matter, it isn’t true (if it actually means anything). This second meaning has also been called “pseudo-profound bullshit”.